Late night discontent
So, life hasn't been going well. Rose left me, my place was a mess, and the power was out. For the first time in a very long time, I had nothing to do. Too lucid to fall asleep, I did the thing I've long been avoiding: I thought.
Been a while since I've done that. Just taking a look around, cataloging the physical surroundings, finding them a jumbled mess that would make Marie Kondo faint. The contents of my mind weren't better off either. A Gordian knot of tangled plans, unresolved business, and exasperating indecision.
At this time of night, my stomach was empty and my mind full. Too full. By the candle light, I started writing on my legal pad.
Page after page, I pinned my thoughts down, nailing them to the paper like an archer pinning an apple to a target behind it with his arrow, just barely missing the person, standing there with gritted teeth. There were so many thoughts-apples in fact, it felt like I was the archer in an orchard.
It took a while, but eventually my mind stilled. I had my thoughts in front of me. And what a mess they were.
But as I stared at them, I started to see what mattered and what needed to change.
It was strange. The lamps outside were out, and it was so late that my solitary candle was the only light visible in the vicinity. Yet, I saw more clearly than I had in months. Like that candle, a flame of possibility and hope burst alight in my mind. I could finally see a glimpse of a different future. A new beginning.
In the case of that night and my personal Gordian knot, the pen proved to be the sword I needed.